Sanji's Dilemma
by Lurelee
Summary: What would happen if Sanji accidentally ate the Onna Onna fruit? He would turn into a girl! And what would happen if Sanji turned into a girl? He would be screwed! One shot!


**Sanji's Dilemma**

**What would happen if Sanji accidentally ate the Onna Onna fruit? He would turn into a girl! And what would happen if Sanji turned into a girl? He would be screwed! One shot!**

**If I owned One Piece, it wouldn't exist, 'cause I can't paint! Now there ye have it! And if you don't believe me, go ask my teacher!**

It was just an ordinary day on the Going Merry. The sun was shining and everybody was happy. Everybody was happy, except for Sanji.

Sanji was sitting alone in the kitchen, scolding himself. They had found a fruit on the island they just was on, and Sanji ate it, without knowing what he was doing. He was only going to test it, see how it tasted, and look what happened!

The fruit tasted like shit! Only Luffy would like the bitter taste of that dammed fruit, and on top of it all, it turned Sanji into a chick.

Sanji felt over his own boobs, between his legs, his long hair. It was all real. REAL I TELLS YA!! He was actually quite a hot chick, but if Sanji was a chick, how could he have sex with chicks? He wouldn't be able to be the same perv he was before! And there was no way in HELL he would turn gay! OH NO!!

Sanji decided he wanted to weep in a corner for the next few years, but Luffy wouldn't let that happen! Luffy wanted food!

"SANJI!! I'M HUNGRY!!" He yelled when he burst through the kitchen door only to find Sanji pouting in a corner.

Luffy didn't take notice of Sanji's new, long hair or the fact that he was much shorter, even shorter than Nami. He only noticed that something was wrong with him.

"Huh? What's wrong Sanji?" Luffy put his hand on Sanji's shoulder and shook him a little.

"Nothing! Go away!" Sanji mumbled, and he noticed his voice was way to light, so he darkened it a little.

"But I'm hungry!!" Luffy rubbed his growling belly. He really was hungry. But then again, he is ALWAYS hungry!

Sanji became blinded with anger. Here he was, turned into a chick, sulking and scolding himself, and Luffy had the GUTS to tell him the most obvious thing in the universe! Without thinking about it, Sanji stood up and kicked Luffy.

"Oww… That hurt!!" Luffy rubbed his swollen cheek.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, LUFFY!!" Sanji screamed on the top of his lungs, with a high pitched voice, and be bounced so much not even LUFFY could avoid noticing it.

"Sanji," Luffy said in a serious tone, looking completely serious. "Have you always had boobs?" He poked one of Sanji's boobs just to see if they were real. The WERE!!

"MORON!!! GET OUT!!" Sanji chased after Luffy with a frying pan in one hand and a hammer in the other. Why a hammer, you ask? I have no idea!

Luffy practically flew out of the kitchen out of fear. Sanji was even scarier than Nami on her period. He looked around and saw Zoro sleeping, so he took a dive and landed on top of him.

Of course Zoro woke up, 'cause Luffy was screaming like a maniac, and so was this high pitched voice that sounded quite familiar. Zoro couldn't place the voice though. He opened one eye and took a look at what was happening. Luffy was being beaten to a pulp by an unknown woman.

'Hm,' Zoro though and eyed the woman. 'Sanji's sister?'

"Are you Sanji's sister?" Zoro asked and yawned. This question gave Sanji an idea. He calmed himself and was just about to say yes, when Luffy said…

"No, it's Sanji! Did you know he has boobs?"

Zoro started to laugh. He laughed so loud and found it so funny that if he had been drinking milk, it would come out of his nose. That made Luffy laugh too, in the same milky nose kind of way.

The loud laughing attracted Nami and Usopp. Now, if it only was Luffy laughing, they wouldn't have cared, but now we're talking about bitter ol' no-sense-of-direction Zoro.

When Nami first saw the strange girl, she was struck by a though. Who was this girl? How did she end up on their boat? Why does she have curly, freaky looking eyebrows?

When Sanji saw Nami, he forgot about the horrors of his life.

"Oh, good morning, Nami-sa—an!!" He yelled and his eyes became hearty. "What would you like for breakfast?"

"It's about dinner time now." Usopp remarked as he looked at his clock.

"SHUT UP!!"

"Wait a minute! YOU'RE Sanji-kun?" Nami asked quizzically.

"No it's more like… more like" Zoro paused to take a deep breath before he continued. "Sanji-CHAN!!! BWAHAHYAHAHA!!!"

"BWAHAHAHA!!!" Luffy laughed with Zoro. Both was kicked and got a lot of hurtful bumps.

Sanji stormed away to the kitchen. He was so mad, he needed to cook something disgusting for the captain and the shitty ass swordsman. Of course, Nami-san wouldn't have to suffer, but Usopp would. That dammed Usopp…

Sanji started cooking his ass of. He cooked up everything disgusting he could find.

Appetizer: An old rag filled with old disgusting water, disguised to a hamburger.

Main dish: A plastic duck cut up into pieces, disguised to a piece of delicious ham and potatoes and sauce.

Dessert: Ice and seawater, disguised to ice-cream and chocolate sauce.

Bon apitite.

'Hahaha!!' Sanji thought. If he knew Luffy and the shithead right they would eat it all first and THEN taste it! That bastard Usopp wouldn't though. He would taste it… and he would SPIT IT OUT!!! 'But that doesn't matter right now,' Sanji thought. 'As long as he eats my special sandwich with peanut butter, yam, cucumber slices, mayonnaise, eggs and on top of it all, a piece of wood.

"Dinner's ready, you guys!" Sanji called, and about 2 and a half seconds later, Luffy was sitting by the table, stuffing his mouth.

"Wow, Sanji, this is good!" Luffy's muffled voice could be heard. Sanji looked at Luffy with a you're-so-dumb-I-could-die-of-laughter look, but Luffy didn't notice.

Just then Usopp and Zoro came in, and DEMANDED their food. Actually, they just sat down and ate. Usopp finished the stuff-that's-usually-good-if-it's-not-put-in-one-sandwich sandwich.

"Ahhh!! That was good! Better than the stuff you usually cook." Usopp said and patted his stomach filled with a lot of gross stuff. Sanji had to restrain himself from kicking Usopp where the sun doesn't usually shine.

"Yeah, I hate to say it, but this is actually GOOD, princess!" Zoro laughed, and Sanji just couldn't help himself. He kicked Zoro flying through the roof.

"Hey! Don't smash the ship witch was given to us from Kaya!" Usopp said in a protective voice. He was also kicked flying, that dammed Usopp!

Just then, Nami came in.

"Why are there holes after Usopp and Zoro flying through the wall here?" She asked with an annoyed voice.

"Sanji-chan got mad!" Luffy said between chews. He was kicked flying.

"STOP KICKING PEOPLE FLYING! Go get Luffy! He can't swim!" Nami scolded Sanji and took a seat around the table and started to eat. "This was pretty good." Was the last thing Sanji heard her say as he dived into the ocean to find the drowning Luffy.

Later that night, Zoro had been drinking a lot and was very drunk. Only he and Sanji were awake. Sanji was still mad, and was sitting with his legs crossed and a cig in his mouth by the table. It was very, very quiet, as neither Sanji nor Zoro said anything. The only thing that could be heard was Luffy, mumbling about food in his sleep.

But then, suddenly, Zoro said something.

"Y'know, you're pretty hot as a chick."

"Whu?"

"C'mon gimme some tong." Zoro moved closer to Sanji and leaned in to kiss him.

"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!"

Sanji woke up and realized it was just a dream. He felt over his chest. He was as flat as ever. He felt between his legs too, just to be sure. It was a relief he still had his majingo. He looked over at Zoro, who was sleeping as tight as ever.

'What a nightmare!" He thought and went back to sleep.

**Gimme many, many reviews!! Well, atleast give me many, many reviews if you liked it!**


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